Beautiful NZ

So here I am. Back in my free country, using my free computer with free internet access. Oooooh yeah. This is the final happenings from my adventure. I look forward to seeing you all again. (I may even see you Americans again too! As long as I can get free food and accommodation in 2007)

So this is it the last time I flood your inboxes with ridiculously good looking and long emails.

Last you heard, I had just been booted from Urupukapuka island. My fame however had spread acrss the nation. So much so that the 36^th person I stuck my thumb out at gave me a lift back to Auckland. Much friendlier than those Canadians who took 115 thumbs to realize I needed a ride. Upon my arrival in Auckland I found some considerate person left me two pizza slices ontop of the hostels vending machine. Yes, they were cold but I was hungry. After my free meal I then went downstairs to the backpacker bar to get some free vodka punch as advertised. The nice bartender came up to three of us (I met two Americans) and asked if we liked tequila. Before we had time to answer he had poured us all shots.

Got up at the ridiculolus hour of 5am and caught a bus to Tongariro national park. Our hilarious bus driver spoiled his run when he made a joke about aussies. “Have you heard australias new chant? Aussie aussie aussie, druggie druggie druggie”. The whole bus went dead silent. The kind of silent you hear in movies and cartoons where a cricket is chirping in the background I would have felt bad for the guy if it wasn’t a joke about australians.

After that we got off the bus and went on the walk. It was so awesome. We walked for about an hour and a half and got to the base of Mt Ngauruhoe (A.K.A Mount Doom from Lord of the rings). It was a doom to climb. It was so windy up the top which we eventually made it to. But not before I sent a boulder the size of two basketballs all the way down the mountain. The girl at the bottom who it came close to didn’t seem to notice. Maybe she had previously been hit by rocks. Either way the mountain was great.

Once down, the rest of the walk was really flat. It was so beautiful. We walked through Mordor checking out a wicked sight and stopping for a photo on average every 250m. That amounts to about 80 photos for the 23km walk.

After that I went back to Auckland to get my flight to the South island.

I missed the plane as a bus didn’t come. “Every 20 minutes my backside”. When the bus finally did come I was so stressed. Everyone that got on I would be angry at for slowing me down. I was even angry at traffic lights! It wasn’t good.

Tried again with the plane thing and after waiting 25 minutes I got nervous and caught a taxi. So I made the flight this time and this is where young Tony Tardio wants to take over reporting.

Yes, good evening folks this will be my final report on Andrews adventures.

On Janurary the 11^th Andrew did end up catching the plane to the south island. In sporting news, Tana Umaga, New Zealand All blacks captain retired two days ago. Oblivious to this information, infact oblivious to who he even was, Andrew nearly told one of his kids off for banging his seat on the plane. Tana who was one seat behind and across from Andrew would have been within punching length. Sick of the seat banging and seeing the kid next to him wanted to look out the window Andrew moved forward to the spare seats infront of him. Once he departed from the plane, he saw people snapping photos left right and centre. He soon realized the public was not taking photos of him and that none of them had heard of his fake “Urupukapuka survivor” show. All Andrew could say was he’s glad he didn’t say anything bad about rugby.

Andrew however was treated like a star once he departed from the airport. Unwilling to pay the $15 for a shuttle bus into queenstown. Andrew decided he’d rather take a 2 hour walk with over 30kg worth of baggage attached to him. Forunately for him before he had even left the airport or even thought about sticking out his thumb some kind sir pulled over and offered him a lift. Andrews comments were “How lovely, these NZers are starting to get an idea about them.

In other news Andrew was starting to worry about the increases in ParentDebt. He decided he needed a job so he started housekeeping for his nights accommodation at a hostel. 3 days later and he had quit. During this time he picked up work at a mobil that was shutting down, which brings us to Bargain news with Sue

Hello there. In bargain news Andrew has been seen taking advantage of the mobil that is now shut down. Or was the mobil taking advantage of him. You decide after you hear this information. He picked up 4 “Bubble O Bill” ice creams (A lorimer favorite) for 60c each. Which was then topped by a pack of SunChips and 11 moro bars (some over a year past their used by date) all for 50c

Scientists predict these stale chips and out of date Moro bars may produce unusual side effects on Andrew. For example, he might start being able to grow facial hair.

Back to the bargains.

The next day he was spotted entering a salvation army store. He came out with a big smile and a red polar fleece vest which he bought to replace the one he had lost earlier. No receipts were found in the shop so a team of scientists was asked to come in and study the smile on Andrews face. Looking at both the bigness and longevity of his smile they have concluded he paid between 99c and 1.01 for it. Back to you Tony.

Thanks Sue. Now onto hiking news.

Andrew was spotted climbing Queenstown hill which locals describe as a “good place to think with a stunning view at the top”. Worried about the last half of that statement being true, Andrew carried a mirror up the top with him.

No sooner had he come down and he was off again. This time to do a 3 day hike on the Routeburn track, which some magazines rate as one of the top 10 walks in the world.

Too proud to leave some of his luggage in Queenstown, Andrew began the journey with 40kgs worth of bags. After the first days hiking and upon his return from the side track Andrew realized God had sent him an angel. His name. Jordan Guyot. The guy Andrew had been spotted hiking the Tongariro crossing with on the north island.

Lets just say without Jordan Andrew would probably still be hiking. The next day Andrew shipped off his day pack to Guyot. Lorimer described the second days walk as “the most beautiful. And not just because Jordan and his massive calves were walking in front of me” The 3^rd day the boys walked 4hrs to the end of the track which Andrew comments “was definitely the best walk I have ever been on, those Moro bars really enhanced the whole experience too” Hiking partner Jordan agrees with Andrew’s Moro statement

NZ has flown past Canada in the beauty to area ratio. As for the overall beauty contest, its so hard for Andrew to decide so here’s his plan. You all fund him to go on another round the world trip and then he will be able to conduct more in-depth research to deal with this predicament. Deal?

A few days of recovering and the boys were off again. In more ways than one. This time to the Kepler track. Andrew learned from his last mistake and wisely didn’t take as much baggage. The decrease in baggage was also followed by a decrease in beauty. Heres Andrew once more. “It was still beautiful, but its like standing any top model next to me. Of course they aren’t going to look as pretty. But standing alone with nothing to compare to they are lovely”.

Reporter have just discovered Andrew has too many VAINS in his body. He will no longer be asked to make any further comments.

The last day of the Kepler track was a good day. First of all Andrews hiking buddy Jordan actually got out of bed straight away and he is less of a morning person than Andrew (Luke Groves will confirm that this is near impossible). Groves comments “The only morning you’ll hear is from Lorimers mouth anytime before 12:01pm”. In short, the fact Jordan got up was a miracle. After they got off the track they went back to the hostel Andrew had dumped his junk at. Upon collection they made a bowl of WARM porridge WITH sugar. Two things both had not had of having on the trek. Cups of tea were also savoured before they headed for a bus back to Queenstown which turned out to be $25 instead of the $30 they had been told. Just another blessing to add to the days total. Which was soon added to majorly as the bus drove past a street sign labeled “Wong Way”. Unable to get his camera out in time Andrew thought the days good events had come to an end. That is unitl 3 minutes down the road the bus driver received a call. There were still two passengers in town who had missed the bus. He drove back and realizing he took a different route Andrew piped up. “Are we going to drive past Wong Way again” To which the driver replied “No mate, would you like to” “Yes please” Andrew replied. So past they drove and a photo was taken thanks to the driver slowing down. The smile on Andrews face could not be measured as the bus headed to Queenstown. Some say this was the highlight of the his entire trip.

Good things continued to occur as Andrew and Jordan hiked up another mountain ‘Ben Lomond’ Their emotional last hike together was soon followed by a $7 buffet meal which some state is now being increased to a $14 buffet meal to cover the costs of Andrews attendance there.

The next day Andrew left to catch up with a 10 day hiking tour group (HikeNZ). Before leaving he took Jordans guitar to remember him by and Jordan took $60 from Andrews wallet to remember him by and that was that.

HikingNZ tour

Andrew caught to group in TeAnau and was soon on the road with them to their next destination. He was quite surprised, come time for tea to see a cask of red wine and TimTam munching. Perhaps New Zealanders have a different definition of roughing it than us Aussies. Either way, Andrew is taking full advantage of this situation. More on that soon.

The next day the group went on a hike, Andrews first, which he Moro’d on (fell over) 6 times. Great first impressions.

Andrew has also left the impression of being a waste disposal system. By day 4 he had already gained such a reputation that when anyone was offering leftovers they would ask the rest of the group if they wanted it but when it came to him they would just hand it to him. It wasn’t even a question. Its become “here, you’ll eat it”. I guess they were right in their assumptions. Andrew is very happy in his new role as disposal unit. Family members including Judith and Allan were not surprised at his being picked for this role. Judith reports “Never a scrap was left on the table with him around”. Fay his mother adds “I always knew he’s always had potential. His first words were ‘meat, meat’”

On the food topic. Ice cream is really cheap in New Zealand. Andrew is also really cheap and is in New Zealand, but that isn’t news to anyone now is it?

Andrew has also acquired some excellent recipes from this camp which he wishes to test of some willing human guinea pigs upon his return. Anyone interested is asked to log onto www.deathwish.com

In toilet news, it seems the flush button has been taken hostage and a ten day period has been issued to get together the $10,000 ransom. Andrew has adapted quite well to this new breed of toilet. Others however are quite unhappy.

Today Andrew shared waters with the worlds smallest and rarest marine dolphins (Hectors) But when you think about it. All the oceans connect up. So I guess every time you go to the beach you are sharing the water with them.

Later that day the group saved a penguin from definite ‘death by stoat’. The ungrateful penguin bit the man who picked it up. Now back in Australia, Andrew is left wondering what a penguin would have tasted like.

Mount cook entered a hide and seek contest with Andrew and looked like winning until unexpectedly Andrew was out of bed at 6:30 and caught a glimpse of NZ’s highest mountain. The mountain was seen later that day by the rest of the group. Covered in a CLOUD of defeat. Photos were taken to commemorate Andrews victory.

The group then headed for their next destination but before getting there they stopped to take a look at the largest sweater in the world. Reports confirm that if Andrews sister Catherine, may just be able to fit into it.

Andrew also saw a kid wearing funny attire today (a school uniform). He laughed.

The group then hiked up some hills and had great views of Rohan (Lord of the Rings) before setting up camp nearby. That night things were as they should be. The women were left cooking and the men had a tri-boulderthon. A boulder throwing contest involving three events.

In sport

4 countries were reoresented (Aus, Denmark, NZ and Germany) and a controversial entry into the final event by a U.S female kept things lively. Australia won two of the three gold medals and was unlucky not to win a 3^rd. Disqualified in the second event for overstepping the line on a world record throw. The Australian was not even tested for illegal drug use as he was so scrawny nobody suspected a thing. Gold medals are soon to be auctioned off on eBay and are expected to reach as much as $150,000 a piece.

Also in sport. Andrews hiking boots look unlikely to recover from overstrain injuries and will be sidelined for at least a couple of weeks.

Andrew’s run of falling over soon dried up until the last day where Andrew hit peak form. This time however he had an excuse. He was walking though a river over mossy rocks. This last day rated a 5 on the Moro scale (Scale which measures the likelihood of falling over) Compared to day one’s rating of 2.

The last night of the hike was spent under the stars with clothes piled on to keep warm. Andrew awoke the final day and was immediately greeted with a wasp bite to the neck. Tour guide Daniel denies any allegations that he was posing as a wasp. Although he does confirm Andrews complaints about early mornings were starting to grate him. He is expected to be taken into custody and questioned. Speaking of custody I am hungry so here’s someone else to fill you in on the stocks and weather.

Ummmm yes, well thankyou Tony.

I guess its time for the weather. Cyclone Lorimer is set to continue in its path from NZ to the SE coast of Australia where it will then be heading straight to comfortable bed. With it will come showers…warm, soapy, shampooie showers! Bouts of fridge raid are sure to follow. Dirty clothing is headed towards the washing machine via a town called mum.

Now for the stocks

Company ‘Amazing Experience’ is set to end on the 8^th of Jan. Also set to shut down is ‘Nikon camera company’ Shareholders however may want to hold out as stakeholders have a feelin the company will reopen from the 17^th to the 19^th of Feb for what investors are calling an ‘important dates you wont want to forget about’ Other companies predicted to wind up bankrupt are ‘Green grass’, ‘Intercity bus co’, ‘Mountain tops’ and of course ‘Stenchy clothes’ Severe losses to ‘sheep stocks’ are also predicted.

Andrews personal company ‘Calves r Us’ has seen dramatic growth over the past month and as director he is now contemplating changing the name to ‘Cows r Us’. Company ‘General Fitness’ has risen while its partner ‘Ball skills’ has seen a decline. Excitement is set for a big rise. Kelly Clarksons single “Since you’ve been gone” has been labeled irrelevant by investors who instead ore opting to put their money in music companies such as “Welcome back” and “You’re not welcome back”. Hygeine is at an all time low. The owner of Hygeine however, promises to look after his Australian investors. Inbox flood is set to end right now….thats right, right NOW.

“Hey I’m back from my custard…” “Shut up Tony, you’re fired”

Goodbye, hope to see you all soon.

Love Andrew

Spiritual Update 5

Its about time for another spiritual update. I have been having trouble hearing God properly lately. I think I always have had trouble it seems like every time I try to listen to him I reckon I think of something that I love and assume I need to sacrifice it, or he is asking me to give it up.

A few examples of this is when I was back in Denver and I saw a homeless person and thought about giving him my jacket. A real nice jacket too. Anyhow I thought ‘Yeah but what about me’, ‘how am I going to keep warm’ I think that is the wrong attitude. As a Christian my life should be so completely not about myself that the first question that comes to mind is what about them. Anyway I’m not sure whether that was God or not just like I am not sure whether he is telling me to completely cut out contact from some American punk. It is seriously annoying trying to listen to God and not knowing whether I am just making it up myself or not. It doesn’t make sense to just shut someone out. But I guess it wouldn’t have made sense to Abraham to kill his son. ‘Gods ways are not our ways’. I am so confused.

I could be doing what someone talked about when they said these harsh disciplines have an appearance of godliness but are not (Colossians 2:23). So please pray that I can hear Gods voice clearly and obey it. I get so confused.

I’m also confused about Deuteronomy chapter 22. It seems really unfair towards women. A man pays 50 pieces of silver and the women are stoned for something I would consider less bad. Anyway read it yourself ey.

Another one of the lines to that song says. “Sometimes I feel disappointed by the way I spend my time. How can I further your kingdom, when I’m so wrapped up in mine”

Just yesterday I read Matthew 6:33 “Seek FIRST his kingdom and righteousness…” Lets be honest here, I am not doing that. I need to be putting him first making God my number one priority. And that line fits in so well although it hit me a long time before I read that verse. “How can I further your kingdom, when I’m so wrapped up in mine?”

On the 23^rd I took a bus up north with really no idea where I would stay or anything like that. God was so good to me. I met this guy on the bus. When he asked if he could sit next to me I nearly said no coz I wanted to read etc. But I let him sit down and we started talking and he ended up inviting me back to his house which was really a boat. It was wicked. His family had me for Christmas and showed me some true hospitality. They even bought me presents for Christmas, it was so lovely.

I really experienced God providing for me like he says he does and tells us not to worry. Matthew. Infact even for New Years I was on an island and I didn’t bring any beers with me and so I prayed that I would be able to get a beer. Some girls came over and invited me to have a few drinks. I was so happy about that. God heard my vain prayer and still answered it. I spose if he can turn water into wine surely he can get me a beer for New Years. Good on him.

It was real good also because their family were Catholics. I found out some real cool stuff about the catholic way of faith. Like they don’t actually pray to Mary, Purgatory etc. In short. We are batting for the same team and I wasn’t too sure before I met these guys.

I was listening to some Mercy Me A while back but a few lines hit home in particular.

“I know I am living a good life, can my life be something great. I have to answer these questions, before it’s too late”

I feel like I am obeying the 10 commandments and that but its not enough. Having all these people look at you and say. Their a good bloke/blokette is nice, but it doesn’t really matter. The fact is, anyone can be a good bloke and obey a set of rules if they train themselves to. The father of the family I stayed with on the boat is a perfect example. He was not a believer himself but he would put a good percentage of us Christians to shame with his morals, generosity, care etc. So being good doesn’t really testify to God working in my life. I think there has to be something much more than just moral living coz like I said anyone can do that. I’m not sure what the answer is yet. Supernatural stuff is one that comes to mind but I’ll keep thinking about this.

Another one of the lines to that song says. “Sometimes I feel disappointed by the way I spend my time. How can I further your kingdom, when I’m so wrapped up in mine”

Just yesterday I read Matthew 6:33 “Seek FIRST his kingdom and righteousness…” Lets be honest here, I am not doing that. I need to be putting him first making God my number one priority. And that line fits in so well although it hit me a long time before I read that verse. “How can I further your kingdom, when I’m so wrapped up in mine?”

I am still realizing more and more how dependent on God we are. Even dependent on him for obedience??

Psalm 130:8 He himself will free Israel from every kind of sin…that could be the translation. Another one says he will redeem. Interesting anyway

Psalm 51:12 Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you. Again it might depend on the translation. Stupid NLT, its supposed to be good!!

I was sitting on the beach watching the waves the boats and the little things in the rock pool just beneath me and I thought of a verse in Psalm 105. I accidently read Psalm 104, that sounds bad… ‘I accidently read the Bible, I didn’t mean to! Whatever, I intended to read Psalm 105. Anyway it turns out Psalm 104 was perfect (which I didn’t figure out I was reading until I got to the next heading saying Psalm 105). 104 is all about God being powerful and creator, pretty amazing. What was more amazing was verses 24-27.

O LORD, what a variety of things you have made!
In wisdom you have made them all.
The earth is full of your creatures.

Here is the ocean, vast and wide,
teeming with life of every kind,
both great and small.

See the ships sailing along,
and Leviathan, which you made to play in the sea.

Every one of these depends on you
to give them their food as they need it.

One last thing. Since being on a beautiful island for 4 and today going to a zoo. I have decided that I do need to do my bit in helping the earth stay as pretty as it is. Mick’s email also showed me how ignorant I was, Gods beautiful creation did the rest. Anyhow I haven’t decided exactly what I will do yet.

So that’s about it for now. If you could manage to pray that I hear and obey that would be lovely. Doooo it.

Love Andrew

Whangerai

Since last time I went from Auckland two hours north to Whangeri. While I was on the bus I met a bloke and got invited to spend the night with him and his family. They are a lovely family that live on a boat. The boat wasn’t in the water at the time but im definitely not complaining (especially coz they will be reading this!!)

I ended up staying with these guy quite a while and spent Christmas there. While they don’t quite have the last name of Lorimer they did make me feel like family. They were so generous to me, I even got me a few presents. So while I wasn’t with my real family I did get to spend Christmas with others. Man it would have been lonely. God’s definitely lookin out for me. Very thankful.

On boxing day we took a trip to a beach much like wilsons prom. For those of you in Missouri a beach is that place with sand and water!! The competition of prettiness between Canada and NZ is now well and truly underway. Maybe you all can help me when I get back and show you some photos.

These guys also surprised me on the 28^th with a surprise party. Or at least a cake and a birthday song. They walked in with the cake and started singing “happy birthday to you..” I thought “I wonder whose birthday it is” so I started singing too. It soon became obvious when the people next to me started whispering ‘he’s names Andrew, he’s names Andrew’ I was definitely surprised and very grateful. I got a delicious chocolate mousse cake, I don’t usually like cake too much but they picked well. How thoughtful.

Oh, also while I was staying with these guys I was given the best gift of all. Milo. Oooh yeah. Along with that I had some Cadbury dairy milk chocolate and also some fish and chips. I don’t care if they say it funny, it tastes great.

We also hiked up a few mountains which were ‘pretty’ but not ‘Canada pretty’

And I caught my first wave of the summer. Unfortunately it was from a cold wave and not a hot chick!!

I have discovered a few things over here already.

1) New Zealanders don’t like Aussies as much as Americans. Infact, I don’t think they like us at all. Too busy trying to compete with our far superior country. Good luck.

2) The people that had me over in their boat were Canadian they only live in NZ

3) Socks do not need to be washed for 14 days, or longer.

4) Socks that aren’t washed for this long smell worse than suridge

5) Baked beans are cheap and edible.

6) A wise man one told me a quote the has held true time and again

New Zealand- if you don’t like the weather… wait 20 minutes

7) I am looking like an unshaven hack at the moment. I cant bring myself to shave off something that took so long to accomplish. (A.K.A a beard)

Because of this bearded homeless look I was randomly selected to be on Urupukapuka survivor* *This may not be true

Urupukapuka Island Survivor

DAY 1

10 competitors from around the globe were selected to take part in Urupukapuka survivor. All of them were dumped on the island which is situated 2ks off the east coast of New Zealand north island. The area of the island is no bigger than 25 sqaure kilometers. Urupukapuka is overrun with spectacular views, sheep and Maori acheological discoveries. How will competitors cope.

They arrived on the 29^th of December and immediately set up camp. Andrew arrived, just himself, his tent, his baked beans and his Bible. Maybe a few more things too.

Pretty soon it was evening of Day 1 and somebody already had to go. Andrew was already up to his dirty work subtly pointing out Sally was from America “Hey everyone, Sally is from America” he was heard to have yelled. If that wasn’t enough he graffitied her pack to say Outwit, Outlie, Outlust. Sally protested but the tribe had already spoken as soon as they found out there was an American amongst them. The graffiti was an unnecessary precaution on Andrews behalf. Sally was then voted off. Have fun back in Canada!!

After Kellys unfortunate departure the remainder of the group were split into 2 tribes.

In the blue tribe Greg, Andrew, Jessica and Derek and in the Red tribe Cliff, Tony, Melissa and Bridgette. 9 remain one must leave tomorrow.

DAY 2

Early this morning tribes were asked to select someone from their team for a challenge. From the blue team Andrew was selected and the Red team selected Melissa.

The challenge was to see who could get lost the best. On an island this small the task seemed impossible. Andrew somehow managed to worry onlookers, Melissa on the other hand was too afraid of spiders and did not even enter the bush. Andrew came back from the task with scratches in abundance but well respected by the rest of his tribe. Upon his return he was very apologetic to his tribe “Sorry I missed the challenge guys” his teammates thought he was joking and joking explained to him that he had just won the challenge for them. Immunity was granted to the Blue tribe and that night Melissa was sent home by her tribe.

DAY 3

Andrew convinced 6 competitors to spend $10 to take a glass bottom boat tour to see fish that they could neither fish for or eat. All of them seem quite disappointed afterward. Andrews comments. At least it was 10 New Zealand dollars.

Andrew has been quite lucky not to have been caught oversleeping. His lazy 12 hour sleeps would not impress his fellow and fellowette tribesters.

Currenly he is on the beach workin on a tan. Cameras overheard Jessica walk past him and say. ‘Well, now all you need is a 6 pac and some muscles’ Andrew made no reply for fear of being beaten up.

The blue team lost the challenge that day Andrew was feeling sick and could not take part. They arrived back at camp dejected from their loss only to find all their food was missing. A search was underway and within minutes the food was found stashed in Jessicas tent. Jessica seemed genuinely upset. Andrew convinced his peers it was because she had been caught.

That nights vote was a no brainer. Jessica was on her way back home. I guess those harsh yet true comments about Andrews appearance didn’t pay dividends. Well the truth hurts….her.

DAY 4

Today on the island Andrew was swooped by some birds, albatross we think. This has now happened on two separate occasions this week. His reactions however were similar in both cases. Running scared like a sissy. He was unable to compete in the team challenge due to this fact. Instead he went snorkeling.

That night was New Years Eve. Andrew had bought no alcohol to the island. So he prayed that he might get a beer. Some people invited him over to their tribe and his prayers were answered (Serious). The New Years celebrations got quite out of hand. One tribe was seen to have been shooting fireworks at their opposition. After making an absolute Jackalope of himself Cliff was the next man to go. Helping light fireworkd to shoot at his own tribe probably wasn’t the best idea. Andrew kept a low and sober profile that night.

The two tribes were now merged into one big tribe of 6.

DAY 5

A disgruntled Tony was reluctant to join a tribe with Andrew and he planned an escape on a raft. Unfortunately for him the wind was blowing straight back toward the island. The fact that Tony was made entirely from wood may have also had something to do with his lack of success.

Some of the islanders were not happy with Andrews lack of contribution. Greg pointed this out. “Well im glad you have been enjoying snorkeling the past 4 days” “Thanks mate, I have” “Incase you are not familiar with sarcasm that was it. I am not gald at all. Infact I hope you get eaten by a shark, at least then you’ll be helping to feed someone” Derek chimed in. “Get off his case jerk, at least he wears boardshorts while he does it” “Yeah, speedos, haha, help you speedo your way off the island”

With those images fresh in their mind tribal councils decision was tight. But when Andrew bought out his digital camera and started showing Derek photos of the island he successfully bought himself a ticket home.

Once Andrew was voted off the island and had made his way back to Auckland viewers lost interest and the show was cancelled. The 5 remaining contestants could be stuck on the island forever.

After I left the island I was treated like royalty. The 36^th person I stuck my thumb out at realized I needed a lift and obliged, giving me a ride all the way to Auckland. Much friendlier than those Canadians who took 115 thumbs, they did offer me a beer while I was walking though…

After I arrived in Auckland the royal treatment continued. Someone conveniently left me two cold pieces of pizza ontop of a vending machine. I was hungry and I didn’t get sick so there. I then went downstairs with some people to the backpacker bar where they put on free vodka punch and while we were sitting there the bartender came up and asked if we liked Tequila. Before we had answered he’d poured out the shots. Who was I to refuse an $8 drink.

The next day I went to the Zoo and saw some kewl stuff. I went to the Aussie section and saw a kangaroo. Tear, tear. Emotional. Hehehe.

I caught a glimpse of a kiwi. Well I probably saw a few seeings I am in NZ. But I assume you know what I mean. Too bad if you don’t.

I have a few days left in the North island. I am going on a big hike and thinking about a skydive. Did I say skydive. Mum, I meant pie drive. Yep that’s it.

Today I went for a scenic flight over Lake Taupo which was rudely interrupted by some inconsiderate person who was strapped to my back pushing me out of the plane. Luckily he came prepared with a parachute. I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but yes I went piedriving…if you know what I mean!

That’s all for now, miss you all

Keep the fix, 2006

Andrew

America to New Zealand

Hey again its time for another email update.

Hello there, and welcome to seven monthly news. Im Tony Tardio. Join me for the next half hour as I try to make random things in Andrews life seem vaguely interesting.

There comes a time in someone’s life where they must say goodbye to things, people, countries and food. To ensure going out on a bang an Australia day party was planned.

A pre-party game of Aussie Rules Football was played. Fun was had, tackles were made and hands were frost bitten. Heres Jeff with more

Thanks Tony. Im down here at the soccer field behind woods house where rougly 2 teams of 8 people have turned out to play some Aussie rules in the snow. Some in shorts and without gloves; others…with brains. As you said, fun was had as the Americans seemed to enjoy playing a real game of football. The aussies also had fun tackling them as they haven’t seemed to grasp the concept of getting rid of the ball, sources believe this is due to the fact their version of football is different. Other sources believe that Americans just like hot Australian guys like Andrew chasing after them! To sum up the game was the winner. (i.e Andrews team lost) Back to you Tony.

Thanks Jeff. In that time I have quickly run from the studio over to Woods 10^th floor for Australia Day. Posters have been hung everywhere, kangaroo road signs, vegemite sangas, fairy bread. Its all here. There is a vegemite sampling tally going on over to my right. Im just going to go see the results. Wow, the yuks seem to be outnumbering the yums 10 to 1. One girl was even reported to have put her head over the bin and pull her hair back as she thought she was going to throw up. Andrew and Kevin are having a ball torturing these poor Americans. Fairy bread however is the much preferred food it seems.

I have just heard some rumors that the nutbush will be performed in 5 minutes. I might try the vegemite challenge while I wait.

Hello there, it seems Tony is vegemite intolerant so ill be filling in for him for the remainder of the program. As he spews…I mean, as I speak the room has been turned into a dance floor. Everybody is grooving to a dance the Aussies call the Nutbush. It seems the Americans did not know about this dance, but it looks as if they are more than willing to give it a go. Video evidence of this may be shown at a later date. Andrew had to persuade one of his more modest friends into doing the dance by agreeing to dress up as a woman for ‘ladies night’ at the next MSU ice hockey match. His friend was quickly up, on her feet and dancing.

After this a few people sat down to watch an Aussie favorite, the Castle. Most would agree this is the greatest film to come out of Australia.

This concluded the party. But afterwards Andrew and a few people were up for a game of Wahoo. A game like trouble (you know the one where you pop the thing in the middle to roll the dice) the only difference is that when you land on someone you get to go forward 10 spaces. Currently Andrew sits undefeated at this game. Friend Lindsey seemed unlucky to lose in their last match as she made it to the last square and all she had to do was roll a one to get the last marble into her home base. 20 failed rolls and Andrew was able to send his last marble ¾ of the way around the board to snatch an unlikely victory.

We managed to catch up with Lindsey post match and she had these words to say. “Unbeleivable”. We caught up with Andrew and he put the loss down to dice rolling skills and lack of strategy. Although Andrew is great and we like to believe him, the odds for him winning from that position were less than 2%

This win was revenge for a “pantsing” Andrew copped a few days earlier playing foosball. The scoreline 10 vs 0. The room was soon evacuated and Andrew dropped the pants and walked glumly around the table determined to do better next time. He didn’t.

On a more happy note Andrew made his way across to Hammonds house for his final game of Bond. It was an emotional time for the boys and Andrews team capitalized early, Taking 2 out of the first 3 rubbers. The match was then evened at 2 all before their opponents jumped to a 3 v 2 lead. Their opponents, unbeaten since the season which started 10 weeks ago looked to keep their record intact. The 6^th and final rubber was intense. 19 kills each (first to 20). Andrew saw an opportunity to sneak up on someone while in battle, not knowing someone else was doing the same to him. He caught a glance of the radar just in time to turn around and put a bullet in his face. Finishing the game, the night and the season. A draw. Andrew was overhead screaming loudly, although he said the result was no fluke.

In other sport news Andrew attended a Yoga class and found it pretty good and relaxing. He may look into this more when he return to sunny Australia.

He also had exams in this time. Which he describes as “easy”. He expects to pass with flying colors. And he expects flying colors translated to good marks. His advice “if ever you want to pass a subject go to America, even if you don’t pass just cry with an Australian accent and they will pass you”

This was about it for his American adventures. He was very sad to say goodbye, which he didn’t believe he would be when he left.

Before long he was on a plane in Los Angeles headed for Auckland with a little stink breath kid next to him who kept trying to sleep on him as well as elbow him at regular intervals. He touched down safely and is not complaining. Though if he sees the kid again he swears he will make his face as ugly as his breath.

While Andrew loved seeing familiar sights such as BP, the warehouse, etc. The language barrier seems to be bothering him more than it did in America.

As he went to pay for a night at the backpacker hostel our undercover cameras caught him make a rather embarrassing mistake. I would like to book in for 2 nights thanks. So you wanna chicken. Ummm excuse me. You wanna chicken. Andrew told us his thoughts at this point were, 1) maybe this is a term they use to abbreviate a 2 night stay and 2) maybe they give you a complimentary chicken if you stay 2 nights…serious.

Neither of this turned out to be true, all the girl wanted to know was that I was checking in. (Check in). Hahaha hilarious.

In NZ Andrew has found a bit of time to check out…as opposed to check in, some good sights and have a good think about things. He has decided that if there is a God (and he has no doubt there is) then it’s the only thing worth living for. He has also had a chance to think about eternity and deep stuff like that.

Andrew is pretty down at the moment. He seems to be missing friends in general, it seems he needs people around him. Here’s what he had to say. I miss you all you are all great, I really wish I was home at the moment, dang its lonely. Writing this helps me not be so lonely so thanks for reading it, if you haven’t then shame on you…but then if you didn’t read that far you wont have read the shame on you part either…hmmm. I have a plan. Header

Now onto the weather.

Its seems we are quite snowed in (haha Snowden) with loneliness at the moment and cant see too far past that. When it does clear up there will be spontaneous patches of photo taking, followed by gusts of excitement. Gale force winds are blowing money everywhere which may be countered by a North Easterly job search. The real weather has been wet but still a heck of a lot warmer than Springfield’s winter. 18 degrees…for all you Americans out there 65ish.

In stocks

Baked Bean shares have gone through the roof and a tight investor from Australia has taken keen interest. Constipation is at an all time high (I told you the on campus dining was slipping in something extra). Sleep has also awoken from its all time low and is on a steady increase. ParentDebt is set to rise steadily over the next few months. A few iloveyous may offset some of its effects. Hygiene has taken a massive plunge due to a shortage of free washing machines in NZ. Lorimer and Groves famous camp recipe (fried potato and baked beans $1.50 a meal!) has received interest from low risk investors that cant cook. Gas companies are definitely going to benefit from these ongoing trend. Company ‘Beard’ has plateau’d after months of steady growth. FreeInternets prices have soared, investors would be willing to pay a premium to grab a hold of their shares but unfortunately they are all tied up. TrashTalking has taken a dive as there is now nobody to do it to. And that’s about all the moment in the stock market.

Well that’s all for this edition of the news. I’m Jeff filling in for Tony. Stay tuned for the next edition of ‘the news’ (Emotional music etc)

Signing off,

Andrew

Final Words from America

Hello again and its about time I gave you an update on how I have been and what I have been up to. Well…heres some quick news to start with

Ice Hockey: Saw an attempt at a fight. I pressed the wrong button on the camera so I missed the action. Sorry

In sporting news the original Nintendo I bought off eBay got a bit of a workout and me and Greg passed the ninja turtles game. I even have film to prove it. Turtles rock.

Andrew was also caught betraying his country when he was spotted playing a bit of “football” for lack of a better word.

Went and saw STOMP in concert. STOMP is a band that plays the drumbeats with anything but drums…so I guess they don’t do drumbeats at all but you get my point. It was so good. I even bought their DVD the first DVD I have ever bought!! I had a little jerk kid (who would have been me 12 years ago) sitting next to me who complained mum this is so boring before it started and at the end half admitted he liked it ‘it wasn’t that boring’ or something along those lines. Hehehe, I remember those days. Anyway the concert was fantastic.

I played golf with Sally a girl who plays with a handicap of 1. Let’s just say I beat her on the first hole. We need not go into any more detail.

Had my first Tornado warning, what a waste of time.

I have figured out Americans don’t understand some other basics essential to Aussie life.
They haven’t heard of or eaten Dim Sims and they do not know what ‘full toss’ means. Bludger, Maccas and Uni are also words not found in the countries very limited vocabulary.

I also figured out that some guy has been thinking I have been swearing every time I say cool as, sweet as, wicked as, nice as. I found this out after the supposed 3rd time he has asked me. I can’t remember him asking me before but I’m sure he said. Are you saying sweet ass (I would hear sweet as) to which I would reply ‘yeah sweet as’. He ended up asking me bluntly after thanksgiving after I was commenting his grandma was cool as. Glad we got that one cleared up. I hope he is the only one that thinks I have been saying that! That may even rate a score on the embarrassment stakes along with a few more café dropped tray incidents.

So anyhow. Me and Mat (the ‘sweet as’ guy) drove up to Colorado after a thanksgiving meal. It took us twelve hours and we came within inches of our lives (I can use that term coz I’m in America but centimeters for all you stuck in the metric ages!!) We came so, so close to running into a deer. Thankfully we missed and that was the start of Gods protection over me for the weekend as you will soon see.

We got to Denver, Colorado and then trekked a bit further to a ski resort. I was about to try my hand at snowboarding as Tony is about to report.

In sport Andrew took to the Rocky Mountains to glide the gradients, slide the slopes, to to to…well you know? After an hour of phone tuition from an expert snowboarder back home he was ready, or was he??

No, no he wasn’t. He now knows how a boxer would feel after 5 rounds in the ring. And now knows God must be lookin out for him. Reports claim he fell at least 150 times and these are extremely reliable sources. Some claim up to 200 falls in his first day.

Is this the definition of persistence or perhaps the definition of stupidity? Reports confirm the latter. Andrews failure to learn caused him much pain both mentally and physically. It is believed he has bruises where he never thought physically possible (AKA bum crack). The next morning he was forced to roll over on his stomach to get up because his neck was so sore from its eccentric (lowering – for you uneducated non PE students) contractions from breaking his fall that it could not properly support his head. His many big spill left onlookers with quite an impression…one in particular, who got up close and personal. Hes her to talk us through the ordeal.

So there I was snowboarding behind this tall guy who didn’t look like too much of a clutz. He was traveling fairly fast so I assumed he knew what I was doing. Never ever assume. He must have decided he was boarding outside his ability and tried to slow down by cutting across the mountain. He cut across hard and fast and fell just before would have gone off the edge and into the nearby trees. At this point I was far too close to do anything about it. Clunk, I ran into his board…that’s all I remember.

Right, we’ll have to go over to Andrew to finsh this story.

Yeah so I take another fall and before I have a chance to sook about it I hear a clunk on my board. I look round to see this guy go flying. One bounce into a nearby tree. I heard the branches crack and saw him get wrapped round the tree. My first thoughts were. ‘Oops are you ok’ my second thoughts were ‘I wish I had a camera that would have one first prize on funniest home videos for sure’ After a few moments on the ground the guy makes his reply to my first thoughts which by then I had spoken out. Only a few of his words are appropriate to relay on this news cast but the jist of what he said was. I hate you why would you do that, you nearly broke my back. Suddenly my second thoughts were looking good. I made my reply ‘Like I meant it I couldn’t see you’. He proceeded with the four letter words that weren’t dumb, snow or fall. My friend who had stopped nearby and heard/seen all this then stuck up for me. You shouldn’t have been so close rah rah rah. It was good. I wasn’t worried, as he was downhill from me and on a snowboard so it would have taken forever to get me. Plus if he did get me I would be aiming for his fresly wounded back!! In short I do hope he isn’t hurt but dang that crash was awesome. My personal favorite out of stockpile to choose from.

While Andrew made it to the highlights reel for bringing pain to others the next day he woke up with some of his own As explained earlier. Today no doubt, he will be trying skiing. According to his friend Mat this will be a much safer option for both him and everyone on the slopes. How true…

Perhaps not. Being the all round klutz he is Andrew managed at least 20 crashes with the skis. He got down the end of the run and decided his body could not take any more beatings. A frustrated and dejected Andrew indeed.

The next day he gave himself off opting to limp around the city of Denver. ‘Nice and clean’ were the best three words to describe most of Denver except for the Maccas toilets which even a busting Andrew refused to go.

He had earlier found some relief at an ESPN urinal which was fully equipped with a TV above it. Just incase you had any spare attention!

The remainder of the day included resting and cruising round taking photos. For the record he did not fall over once.

This was another day spent thinking and resulted in a few thoughts.

First of all that God was serious when he said to have one rest day a week. To chill out and think about life and focus on him. Its great. So I’m gonna plan to do that a bit more.

I am also going to miss America (I have her phone number!) was the second thought. Its funny how people don’t tell you how much they care or how much you mean to them until you tell them you are only here for 2 more weeks.

Back to the news

The next morning Mat and Andrew were on the road again. The trip back got quite complicated. High winds closed all sorts of roads and forced them to take the backcountry. Andrew was delighted to see his first tumbleweed bouncing across the road.
He also spotted and snapped photos of two trucks which had tipped over on the road in the strong winds. Even this didn’t deter Mat and Andrew, (well mainly mat since he was driving), from getting home. Eventually after a few wrong turns, some alternate roads and a few pit stops for junk food and they were back in Springfield, bringing the snow with them. The first snow Andrew has seen in Missouri. It was also reported that they passed a sign reading “Correctional facility nearby, do not pick up hitchhikers”.

Andrew’s eating and health took a dive over thanksgiving. He knew he was in trouble when he started looking forward to the “healthy food” they serve at the on campus café.

I have got on the veggies since ive been back. All is well and I hope you all are too.

Love Andrew

Spiritual Update 4

So here we go with another spiritual update. As of the last few days the ol’ spiritual life is going pretty good. As well as life. I am enjoying it heaps. Especially the mad lightning storm last night. I am really drawn to the lightning for some reason, I love it. I’ve had some good highlights which you’ll hear about in the general email. But anyway heres a few more things I have discovered over the last little while.

Insecurity

First of all I have discovered how insecure I have become again. Pretty sad coz I thought I was past all that but one night I went to a bible study in our dorm and there was this guy that was younger than was running it. I got intimidated spiritually coz he is more spiritual than me and I am used to being the one running the group. Anyway so satan was trying to make me have a scab attitude. You know. Thoughts like ‘what would he know he hasn’t gone to bible college’ ‘yeah so what if he knows that, I bet I have more friends’ etc etc. But I admitted that to him and the group and I did pretty well during the bible study. But then after it was over I was still intimidated and scared that ‘what if he is better than me’ So I started thinking things like. I bet hes no good at sport (turns out he wants to run a marathon!!) Yeah well I bet he’s not writing a book…so on and so forth. That just made it pretty plain obvious that I am totally insecure and my sense of worth is not coming from God like it should be. Need to relearn some lessons.

And a little while back in Sports Psychology we had a talk on Goal setting and how it helps with sports performance, I got to thinking, I wonder if I should apply goals to my spiritual life and then I remembered what Paul said.-

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. (1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

Phillipians 3:12-14

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Anyway the point is. Goals are good and I have been running aimlessly without them.

I have been waddling along with no goal, or a real broad one that I forget about (pleasing God). Instead I have just been becoming passionate about a million things (I could name at least 20!) Whatever tickles my fancy at the time. Without a goal there is no purpose or aim, just a wasting away of life. So I have come up with a few goals.

Video game decision Every hour I spend playing video games I must spend an hour with God. Have stopped playing internet games and started playing the Nintendo instead! I spose at least it is interaction with others.

* To remember certain Bible verses

* And probably some other ones. Either way. Its good. Go goals. Pity Collingwood doesn’t share that attitude.

Another thing I have learned. I knew but my memory has been refreshed. People are not projects. You don’t just go round and hang out with someone like they are a project, otherwise when my side of the project is complete (them becoming a Christian) then I have no use for them. I have never been their friend I have just been working on them like a project. I realized I did this the other night. And not even coz I love God that much it was more the fact so I wouldn’t feel guilty, so I could say, hey I did something.

Oh yeah I have been struggling with guilt a fair bit lately too I reckon. Ive been finding it hard to figure out which guilt comes from God. Like when I feel like I shouldn’t be doing something, is that God or is it not. Its pretty hard.

And lastly…

I am discovering more and more how dependent on God I really am. I think I have realized how much I suck, but I am even finding out that even after all God has done for me I still can’t choose to choose him. Even knowing he is real and knowing what he has done for me and I still can’t follow him with all my heart, I can’t even make a commitment to do that because I know I will fail at every turn and be sinning within the next day. I need his help so much. I know so much that I will fail trying to listen to and obey his voice. In saying all that I don’t want to try place all responsibility on him because it is my responsibility when I hear his voice not to ‘harden my heart’.

So, spiritually I would say I am getting better. And life wise I am going great. So much fun stuff is going on. Lets hope I can remember God when I am doing it, which by the way I have been doing a bit more which is good. He deserves all the credit for any fun I find in life and I’m finding a whole lot, and If I can’t find it I will make it!!

Hope you are all doing sweet

Love Andrew

PS: Looking forward to some good God time (and Derek) in NZ.