Well hello there. Its all been a bit of a struggle of late
First of all, God has just shown me how sinful i am. And i am realising more and more that 'my righteousness is like filthy rags' Wonder what my sins are like?
Just when i am doing ok and life is good my spiritual life turns to scum. Hmmm. Doesn't take long to fall off the top of a mountain into a valley does it? Lately i have been getting far too busy doing too many things and not having time for God. Some of these things are good, like sports and making friends but others "PartyPoker" cough cough...is not a good thing at all. I was recently addicted to that. Like 2hrs a day addicted. What a waste of life. So i have given it up for a week and hopefully forever. Time is far too precious, its just about the only thing people...myself included wish that they could get back on their death bed. I should be doing something useful for God or better still spending time with him.
Yeah so thats one thing but then there is this other thing, i havent even been stuffed spending the time i do have with him. If i have time i just sit there and wait for the next 'something else' i have to do or i just go and do something else anyway. Lazy and undisciplined.
In all seriousness i have had no real desire to even spend time with God...apart from being legalistic and thinking i may not get into heaven if i don't. You all probably know what i am talking about there. Anyway, i know he DESERVES all of my time and i know that i should want to spend time with God because of who he is, not because i think i will go to hell if i dont. How wrong.
But i spose all this is good coz while i am surrounded by all the best things in the world. Good food good friends good sports, good university and good looking girls!! I am not satisfied and dont even feel close to being happy or whole...Godly discontent..i wonder if thats an oxymoron...shut up your a moron!! Maybe i just need to sit down and 'put God first'. Now theres a great idea...gee thats pretty much what the whole Bible is about and was written for. Funny how long it takes me to figure things out.
Theres a mirror in our room and i keep looking at myself in it. And it seems that when i was looking in it the other day that God said i have been doing a bit much looking at myself. Ive got my eyes on me and not God.
Then i thought of a verse. Hebrews 12:2 'fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith' but then i reckon God made me think of the verse before it. Gee great idea, thats usually the way you read a book, its funny how we choose to read the bible differently and get a distorted view of what its really saying, anyway so i thought about the verse before it 'Throw off all that hinders...' and then linked them up. 'Throw off all that hinders by fixing my eyes on Jesus'...i guess if i read the bible properly i would have got that a long time ago. But i am glad i realised this.
And then also i have realised that if your eyes are fixed on Jesus then other things will also help turn your eyes to him. You could even get to a stage where you are playing party poker with your eyes fixed on Jesus. Obviously i am a long way from that. Everything in life can turn your eyes away or to God. Music, girls, sport...whatever.
Anyway that may also be why quiet times are a struggle, they are the easiest and probably most effective way to fix your eyes on Jesus. And satan sure does not want me doing that. So anyway i will have to pump out the old discipline. This may mean getting to bed before 1...idiot. Then if i pump out the discipline i will prolly get self righteous or religious...haha young beth stennet was right when she she life is all about balance. Thanks beth :)
Anyway, thanks everyone else for listening to this trash. Hope you can learn something from it so you dont turn into a spiritual unco! Its all about co ordination GO P.E.
See ya.......Andrew
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